To write the second part of the opening (Part 1)

Key Stage 2

English

The BFG - Narrative Writing

﻿Hello everyone! I'm Miss Saab, welcome to lesson number one in the second part of our BFG unit. Today, we are writing the second part of the opening. Today we are going to write the second part of the opening. First, we're going to order the second part of the opening, then we're going to look at ways to show not tell. After that we're going to rehearse, we're going to orally rehearse sentences to help us write the second part of the opening. In this lesson, you will need an exercise book or paper, a pencil, and your brains to be switched on. So, can you pause the video now to grab your pencil and your paper? Great, you are now ready to start your learning. First, we're going to order the second part of the opening. To help us do this, we're going to watch the second part of the opening again.

Oh no!

Who is that out of bed?

Sophie, miss.

You get back at once! Punishment in the morning!

Yes, miss.

Now that you've watched the second part of the opening, which order should these pictures be in? Can you pause the video now to write the letters in the correct order on your piece of paper? Pause the video now. Let's check. So the correct order was D, E, C, B, and finally A. In what order did these things happen? Sophie saw the figure. Sophie walked to the window. Sophie looked out of the window. Mrs. Clonkers shouted at Sophie. Can you pause the video now to write the letters A, B, C, and D in the correct order on your piece of paper? Pause the video now, to have a go. Let's check. So the correct order was, Sophie walked to the window, Mrs. Clonkers shouted at Sophie, Sophie looked out of the window, Sophie saw the figure. So the order of the letters should have been B, D C, and A. Now we are going to look at ways to show not tell, how Sophie is feeling in the second part of the opening. How does Sophie feel in the second part of the opening? Can you pause the video now to tell your screen? Sophie feels. Let's check. So I said, Sophie feels scared and we can use other words that mean the same thing as scared. They can mean very scared or less scared. So we can say scared, afraid, terrified, petrified, frightened. So terrified, petrified and frightened mean very scared. Whereas scared and afraid, just mean scared. So we could write and tell the reader, Sophie feels scared, Sophie feels petrified, Sophie feels frightened, but we want to add more description and more detail to really help the reader understand what Sophie is going through in the opening. So we are going to use show not tell. So instead of telling the reader, this is how Sophia is feeling, we are going to show the reader how Sophie is feeling, by thinking of how Sophie's face, voice and body might look like when she feels afraid, scared, petrified. So, let's have a think. What happens to our face, our body, our voice when we feel afraid? Have a look at these pictures and tell your screen what you think. Pause the video now, to have a go. I wonder what you came up with. Here are the things that I thought of. So when we feel afraid, our body might shake, our legs might tremble, that means also shake. Our eyes might widen. Our heart starts racing and beating faster. We might get sweaty, especially sweaty palms and hands when we feel anxious and afraid. We might shriek, and Sophie does shriek in the opening, she goes, huh! Like that, when she sees the figure. We might get faster breathing, so our heart starts to race and you start breathing faster, when we feel afraid. Our muscles start to tense up and we might get, our hairs might stand on end. So just like the cat, you can see, the cat's hair is standing on end because she got a fright. I'm going to go back to the first slide so we can have a go at acting these things out, to show how our face, body and voice might change and what they might be doing when we feel afraid. So we're going to start with a shaking body. Okay, ready? Three, two, one, shaking body. Three, two, one trembling legs, can't see my legs, but they are trembling. Three, two, one, widening eyes. Three, two, one, racing heart. Three, two, one, sweaty. Lovely. Three, two, one, shriek. Three, two, one, faster breathing. Three, two, one, muscles tensing up. And three, two, one, hairs standing on end. Great acting. We are now going to orally rehearse sentences to prepare us for our writing. First we're going to recap some vocabulary that we have previously come up with to help us with our writing as well. So last, in our last lessons, we looked at some adjectives to describe Sophie's appearance and Sophie's personality. We also looked at different ways of referring to her. We also thought about what was happening when Mrs. Clonkers switched the light on in the hallway. Can you pause the video now to have a quick read through, so that it can refresh your memory? Great, let's move on. So today we are not writing the whole of the second part of the opening. We are just writing about the first picture. So this is when Sophie walked to the window and Mrs. Clonkers switched the light on and shouted at her. We are going to leave the other two pictures for our next lesson. The main idea in this picture is Sophie walked to the window. But we want to stretch this main idea and to write several sentences about this picture, to add more details, add more description, and to make more ambitious sentences. So, one way we can do this is, is to first think about what's happened. So tiptoed stealthily, light switched on, bellowed furiously. Those are three things that happen in this part of the opening. Then we can add some sentence starters or fronted adverbials to make our writing even better. So instead of just saying Sophie tiptoed stealthily, we can say, moments later Sophie tiptoed stealthily. To make our sentences even better, we can also add more description by using show not tell. For example, we could say, moments later, Sophie tiptoed stealthily and her body shook like a leaf, because she was really nervous as she was going to the window. She knew that she was breaking the rules and she knew that that could get her into very big trouble with Mrs. Clonkers if she got caught. So, I would like you now to use these notes to make your very own sentences about this part of the opening. So you might say, soon after, the light switched on, and then think of different sentences that you can use in your writing. Pause the video now to say your sentences. We are now going to write the second part of the opening. Here are the things that we need to do to be successful today. We need to use think, say, write and read for every sentence. We want to use show, not tell, to show how Sophie is feeling. We want to use some adjectives, verbs and adverbs to describe what's happened. And this will help the reader to really picture what is going on. And we want to use a range of joining words to extend our ideas and our sentences. And make sure hat you have all of your notes right next to you, to help you with your writing. I'm going to go first to show you the sentences that I wrote for this part of the opening. So I started with a fronted adverbial, or a sentence starter, moments later. I'm going to say what Sophie did. So Sophie tiptoed. But instead of saying Sophie, I'm going to refer to her in a different way. I'm going to say, the curious orphan tiptoed stealthily. So I added curious, because at this point, Sophie is feeling very curious, she wants to find out more about the witching hour. I added the adverb stealthily to describe how she tiptoed in the room. So, moments later, the curious orphan tiptoed stealthily. I can add more detail and say that she tiptoed across something. So let me remove my full stop and say that she tiptoed stealthily across the creaking, wooden flooboards. Now I can put my full stop. Then, something unexpected and quite sudden happens in the hallways, and no one was expecting it. So I'm going to start my next sentence with suddenly. And the sudden thing was that the light switched on in the hallway, no one was expecting it, and it came out of the blue. So my sentence is going to be, suddenly, a light switched on in the hallway. And I ended my sentence with an exclamation mark, because it's an exciting sentence. Next, I'm going to use some show, not tell, to describe how Sophie felt when the light switched on in the hallway. So instead of saying she was frightened, I'm going to say Sophie froze, to show that she felt frightened. I can now add a joining word to say when Sophie froze. When did she freeze? So Sophie froze when Mrs. Clonkers bellowed furiously at her from the corridor. So instead of saying, Mrs. Clonkers shouted furiously, I said bellowed furiously, because it describes in more detail how Mrs. Clonkers shouted. So she shouted in a loud, deep voice. So she bellowed. And I added an adverb furiously, because she was really cross that Sophie got out of bed in the middle of the night and broke the rules. Now, I'm going to add a little bit, I'm going to add some more show not tell, to say, to show how Sophie felt when Mrs. Clonkers bellowed furiously at her. So I'm going to say her heart pounded frantically, like a drum, and her legs trembled. So that shows that she is feeling really, really frightened. So, those were my sentences. Now, it is your turn to write your sentences. It's your time to shine. So can you write two to three sentences for these images? And you've got your notes that you can use and remember to use some joining words, to extend your sentences. Pause the video now, to have a go at your writing. Well done for working so hard on your writing, I hope that you feel really proud of what you have written, I cannot wait to see it. So now we are going to read back our writing, so that we can enjoy it, so that we can see all of the hard work that we've put in today and think of ways, think of what went well in our writing and how we can improve our writing even more. So, I am going to look at my writing, I'm going to read it back to see if I have been successful. So I'll go first and then it will be your turn. So let's remind ourselves, let's remind ourselves of the success criteria. We need to think, say, write and read every sentence. We will need to use some show not tell. We need to use some adjectives, verbs and adverbs to describe what happened. And we need to use some joining words, to extend our ideas. So, let me read back my work to check. Moments later, the curious orphan tiptoed stealthily across the creaking, wooden floorboards. Suddenly, a light switched on in the hallway. Sophie froze when Mrs. Clonkers bellowed furiously at her from the corridor. Her heart pounded frantically like a drum and her legs trembled. So, I, in bold, I used some sentence starters, moments later, suddenly. I used some adjectives, like curious, wooden, creaking. I use some verbs like tiptoed, switched on, bellowed, and some adverbs, stealthily, furiously. I also challenged myself to use two joining words, when, and and, in my writing. And I used some show not tell to describe how Sophie was feeling at this point in the opening. So I said she froze, her heart pounded frantically like a drum, and her legs trembled. All of these show that Sophie was feeling frightened. So yes, I've been successful, and I can tick off my success criteria. Now it's your turn to check if you have been successful. Don't worry, if you haven't met every single target, that's okay, you can go back and improve your writing. Pause the video now, to have a read through your work. Well done, I love how you are going back to check your work, that is what the best writers do. They always go back to read their work, they check what went well and they think of ways to improve their writing. So, well done for completing your writing task today. Can you underline a show not tell word or phrase that you are most proud of in your writing today? Pause the video now, to have a go. Fantastic! I hope that you're feeling really proud of all of your work today and all of the effort that you have put into your writing. So let's recap what we did today. First, we ordered the second part of the opening. Then, we looked at ways to show not tell how Sophie was feeling. After that we orally rehearsed sentences. And finally, we wrote the second part of the opening. Well done for working so hard on your writing today and trying to meet all of the success criteria. I hope that you feel really proud of the piece of work that you have produced. It would be really nice if you read it to someone at home, so that you can show off all of your hard work today and show off your amazing writing. I would also love to see your work, so if you would like to, please ask your parents or carer to share your work on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, tagging @OakNational and #LearnwithOak. Well done everyone! Bye!

To write the second part of the opening (Part 1)

To write the second part of the opening (Part 1)

Slide deck

Lesson details

Key learning points

Licence

Video

Lesson appears in

UnitEnglish / The BFG - Narrative Writing

English