To write the second part of a narrative scene

Key Stage 2

English

Oliver - Narrative writing

﻿Hello, Miss Vincent here for your English lesson today. In today's lesson, we're going to finish off writing the buildup of Oliver Twist. So we're going to use our plan from lesson number nine from this outcome. And we're going to write up this section of the film. So in lesson six and eight, we pan and wrote the first section of this buildup. In lesson nine we planned this part and so finally, we get to write this section of the buildup. So let's put all those really fantastic ideas that you came up with into practise and let's write this part. So here's our agenda for today, we're going to start by reviewing and recapping the scene. So thinking about what we've already written and what we're going to write today, then we're going to identify our success criteria to think about what to include to make our writing as successful as possible. And then finally, we'll move on to our writing. In this lesson, you'll need an exercise book or a piece of paper, you need a pencil or a pen and you'll need your plan from lesson number nine. If there's anything that you need to go and get then please pause the video to do so and press play when you're ready to start the lesson. Okay, great, so hopefully we're all set and ready to go. So we're going to start off by reviewing what we've already written and recapping the scene that we're going to be writing today. So here is our writing from lesson number eight where we wrote the first part of our buildup. So I'm going to read it out loud, you can listen carefully and follow along if you'd like to, with your finger. And then look at the pictures at the bottom of the screen, sorry to remind you of this part of the story. Early in the morning, the sleepy marketplace was slowly waking up and getting ready for another busy day. Focused market sellers set up their stalls for the day as the packed overflowing cart groaned under the weight of the bulging sacks. Sprawled on the steps, Oliver weighted helplessly for the day to begin. He did not know what to do. His feet were blistered and bleeding and his dirty ripped clothes let in the cold morning air. The boy gazed lovingly at the tantalising food that was on display. Just one hour later, the marketplace was transformed, flustered shoppers, darted hurriedly through the large lively crowd and animated shouts filled the air. Oliver watched on while the Londoners went about their days. Out of the corner of his eye, Oliver spotted a young man striding into the marketplace, wearing a smart, but ill fitting clothes. Upon noticing over the stranger stared back in interest. Suddenly he Strode purposefully towards Oliver. So that's what wrote in lesson number eight. And today we're going to pick up where we left off, so Dodger has arrived right by Oliver and he's going to speak to him. So we're going to write about the exchange, the dialogue and conversation between the two boys. And then we're going to write about them moving through the marketplace and introducing themselves to each other. So you should have your plan with you from lesson nine, where you've got lots of speech to help you and you've got lots of fantastic vocabulary like verbs, adverbs, nouns and adjectives to help you with the action, describing the characters and adding to the speech as well. So if you don't have your plan from less than nine, then I would suggest that you pause the video and go and get it. So let's think about what's going to make our writing successful today and identify our success criteria. So most important is to have our plan right next to us so that we're not having to think of ideas on the spot and we've got lots of ideas to help us with our writing. We're going to use our skills for successful writing, checking for punctuation, reading through our writing and editing and improving. And let's have a look at our success criteria for today. So really important as always to include precise vocabulary for accurate description. That means describing what's actually happening with the best possible word. And then we're going to also include some speech because there's lots of dialogue in this part of the film and in this part of the story. So we're going to include some speech, not all of it, but some of it. And we're going to make sure that we're using the correct speech punctuation. And remember, if you need to revise your rules for speech, then you can watch lesson number four in this outcome to help remind you of the rules. And then finally, success criteria number three is all about using a range of sentence types. So we might include a relative clause, we might include some complex sentences or some compound sentences and not forgetting simple sentences that are always really important as well. So let's think about our writing. So let's get started, we're going to do a bit of my turn, your turn to write this section of the story. For the first section of writing, I'm describing Dodger as he approached Oliver and started speaking to him. I've got my plan on the left hand side with verbs and adverbs to describe Dodger's approach and I've got some speech that I can use, I can take directly from my plan and use in my writing. So an example of what I've written is, approaching Oliver comma, now that's an example of a non finite startup. When we start with an "ing" verb to show what's happening at that stage. So approaching Oliver comma, the confident stranger took in the sight of the scruffy, pale boy in front of him. So we've described Dodger as a confident stranger and that as a scruffy pale boy. So this is where the speech starts and you can see that it matches my success criteria 'cause I've shown you where I've used the different parts. So my speech is, "Hello mate, what's your game?" And you'll notice that I've included the words that Dodger said inside the inverted commas. So that opened my speech marks capital letter all the way to the end of what he said, which ends as a question mark, it's a question and then I close the inverted commas. And then I continued by saying, who said it and how he said it. So I don't start with a capital letter there. "Hello mate, what's your game?" he asked wit suspicion in his voice as he looked the orphan up and down. So that, as he looked the orphan up and down is a subordinate clause that adds more detail to my speech sentence. When he received no response, another subordinate clause this time starting with when and because the subordinate clause in this case comes first, I need a calmer after it whereas I didn't for the example before. When he received no response, comma, he continued, "Where are you from then?" Again, checking my speech punctuation that are around the words that are being said, I've got speech marks or invented commas as you might call them. And just before I opened my speech, because this is speech second. So it comes in the second part of the sentence, I need to put a comma before I start the speech, so that's why I've got a comma after continued. You're time now to write the first part where Dodger first approaches Oliver and asks him some questions. So you've got your success criteria on the screen to help you, have your plan right next to you, it's got lots of fantastic ideas to help. Press pause to write your sentences and press play when you're ready to move on. Well done, let's move on to the next section. So for this section, I'm going to type and I want to start my sentence by showing initially how olive is feeling. So I'm going to start it with uncertain. So uncertain, comma and I'm going to look at my plan and it says that he's speechless. I'm going to say uncertain Oliver remained speechless, uncertain comma, Oliver is his name, so I need a capital O Oliver remains, that means he stayed and speechless. And actually I've noticed when I've looked there at my should not tell, but I said that he was wide-eyed. So I'm going to use that and I'm going to write an and to make a compound sentence 'cause one of my targets is to use a range of sentence types and I've already used two complex sentences in my previous bit of writing. So I uncertain Oliver remained speechless and his eyes widened, I'm going to say his eyes widened on his dirt-streaked face, which I can see also in my pan and use. So his eyes and his eyes widened on his dark-streaked face. And I've used two words, dark and streaked and I've hyphenated them to make an adjective. So on his dirt-streaked faced full stop, letting me read. Uncertain comma, Oliver remained speechless and his eyes widened on his dirt-streaked face, full stop. For my next sentence, I want to explain why he's not saying anything. I'm going to look at my plan and says that he's scared to say the wrong thing. So I'm going to say, the timid boy, which means the shy boy, the timid boy was too scared to say the wrong thing. The timid boy was too scared to say the wrong thing. And then I'm going to extend that with so, with a subordinating conjunction so because I want to tell the reader that he let Dodger take lead. So the timid boy was too scared to say the wrong thing so he let Dodger take the lead. And that's another complex sentence. So after some prompting, so after he's been prompted a bit and asked lots of questions by Dodger, he eventually says that he's been walking for seven days. So I'm going to say, after some prompting comma, and he explained that he had been walking for seven days. We could put that in speech, but in this instance I'm going to choose not to. And I'm just going to talk about what he said. So I'm going to use reported speech to just talk about what he said, so I don't need to put it in punctuation. So after some prompting, he explained that he had been walking for seven days, after some prompting, he explained that he had been walking for seven days full stop. Let me reread that, after some prompting comma, he explained that he had been walking for seven days. So sometimes when we're talking about some dialogue and a conversation, it's a good idea to include some direct speech. So some speech were there are the exact words that the character said in inverted commas, but also some reported speech where we explain what they said. So he told him, he explained to him, he asked him without putting the exact words in speech marks. So let me just read through, before I move on, uncertain, Oliver remained speechless and his eyes widened on his dirt-streaked face. The timid boy was too scared to say the wrong thing so he, and that's why we need to re-read. So he let Dodger take the lead. After some prompting, he explained that he had been walking for seven days. Your turn to write your sentences to show Oliver's reaction and his response. Remember to use precise language and use your plan to help you. Pause the video to write your sentences and press play when you're ready to move on. Great, well done. Let's move on to the third part. As the quick conversation continues, I'm going to read you an example. Dodger was surprised to hear of the boy's long journey, and I've put boy apostrophe S, because it's a journey that belongs to Oliver, to the boys long journey. Taking charge, comma, he declared, you must be hungry, let's get you some grub. So he declared is a synonym for said, so he said it competently and loudly. And because it's speech second so the words that the character said, the speech is coming in the second part of the sentence, I need the comma just after declared, before I introduce the speech. So you must be hungry, let's get you some grubs. So this is like we talked about in our planning lesson. So lots of paraphrasing, so not necessarily saying the exact words, but just conveying, so putting across the same meaning in our own words. Oliver's eyes lit up and he heaved himself off the punishing ground with difficulty. So that's a compound sentence, 'cause I've got one main clause that makes sense and its own. Oliver's eyes lit up and another one as well, he hit himself of the punishing ground with difficulty. So I've put two similar ideas side by side with the coordinating conjunction and. Wary but hopeful, he followed the boy into the market. Your turn to write the third part of this section of the buildup, where Dodger offers to Oliver to go and get some food together. Remember to punctuate your speech correctly, thinking really carefully about including only the words that the character says inside the inverted commas, inside the speech marks, making sure that your speech sentence has a capital letter and finishes with the correct piece of punctuation inside the speech marks, the inverted comments as well. Pause the video to write your sentences and press play when you're ready to move on. Okay, great, so onto the last section. Okay, so here we've got some more dialogues and more conversation. And in addition to the speech which I've got planned in, on my left hand side, on my plan, I'm going to try and give more detail by adding in some subordinate clauses by using subordinating conjunctions to help me. Before he says, "By the way my name's Jack Dawkins." He turns towards Oliver, so I'm going to use a non finite, remember an "ing" starter, turning towards Oliver comma, so towards, that's not how we spell it. Just one "o" towards, so turning towards Oliver, comma, Dodger, he puts out a hand, doesn't he? and then he steals the bread at the same time. So turning towards Oliver, Dodger extended one hand out to him as he swiped a loaf of bread with the other. So I'm using a complex sentence and as complex sentence to show two things happening at the same time. So turning towards Oliver, Dodger extended one hand to him extended one hand to him as he swiped a loaf of bread with the other, full stop. As he swiped a loaf of bread with the other, full stop. And now I want to say the sentence where he introduces himself and I've got that in my pan. And in my plan, I incorporated it all him introducing himself and the stealing. But I'm going to just write the sentence where he introduces himself. I'm going to start with speech first to the words that he says first. So I need to open my speech marks, I need a capital letter to start the sentence where he's talking. So he says, "By the way," comma, "my name's Jack Dawkins." So my name, and then I'm putting apostrophe "s" because I've taken name is and I squished them together, contracted it. So it will replace the I that I've taken out and putting an apostrophe. So by the way, my names, I need a capital letter for Jack and a capital letter to Dawkins. My named Jack Dawkins full stop, also known as the... And I'm going to put this in capital letters as well Artful, 'cause that's his that's his other name, Dodger. We've been calling him Dodger, haven't we? And then I would normally put a full stop to this sentence, but because it's speech first, I don't put a full stop. I can put an exclamation mark or I can put a question Mark. But if I would normally use a full stop there, I put a comma instead to show that I still need to say who said it and how they said it and I need to close my speech marks because that's the end of the sentence that the Artful Dodger said. And I need to explain who said it and how he said it. So he beamed, so beamed smiling, but you can also talk through a smile. So that's another way of sitting in the sad seat. So he beamed while at the same time shaking all of his hands. So he's doing those two things, so he's saying that wild shaking all of his hand. The hand belongs to Oliver, so I need an apostrophe S. Oliver's hand full stop. And this is a long section of the story, so I'm going to re-read this and then I've got a bit more to read to you that I prepared earlier. Turning towards Oliver, Dodger extended one hand to him as he swiped a loaf of bread with the other. "By the way, my name's Jack Dawkins "also known as the Artful Dodger," he beamed while shaking Oliver's hand. After the boy had turned around, Oliver asked, "Why are you known as the Artful Dodger?" So we've got after the boy had turned around a subordinate clause to add detail. And then because the speech comes in the second part of the sentence, after asked, I need a comma before I opened the speech marks. Then showing Oliver the stolen bread, Dodger replied, "That's why." So here again, speech second, so a comma before the speech marks, Oliver gasped upon seeing the bread, but Dodger couldn't conceal a grin that spread from ear to ear. So here we've got a compound sentence using but to show an opposite idea. So Oliver's shocked but Dodger is smiling. So he can't hide, conceal means hide, his grin that's spread from ear to ear. Time for the last section, it's a little bit of a longer dialogue where they introduce themselves to each other. So your turn to write it now, make sure that you've got your plan to help you with your ideas for speech. So press pause to write your sentences and play when you're ready to move on. Very well done, so we've written the whole of our buildup section that we've been looking at. So really good job. I recommend that you really look carefully through the whole thing and you can read it start to finish. And I bet you'll feel really proud of everything that you have written. So I'd like you to do that, I'd like you to read your whole piece of writing through in one go. So that might mean going to get your work from the other day and starting off right at the point where there was the early morning set up of the market all the way through to the end of the buildup that we've just written together. So I recommend that you do that after the end of this lesson and that you read it out loud to yourself, that might help you to see if there's any changes that you need to make, but it's also really important to read it so that you can enjoy it. So we've finished the sections of our lesson. So really well done for all of your hard work. If you'd like to share any of your work with Oak National, you can follow the instructions on the screen about how to do that. Please make sure that you ask a parent or a carer to help you with this. And definitely show your work to your parents and carers. Thank you so much for joining me for this writing lesson and I will see you soon, bye.

To write the second part of a narrative scene

To write the second part of a narrative scene

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UnitEnglish / Oliver - Narrative writing

English