To write the opening

Key Stage 2

English

A Christmas Carol - Narrative writing

﻿Hello, everyone, It's Mr.Brown here with your English lesson for today and it is a fantastic one. We're going to be writing the opening of a Christmas Carol, let's get started. Okay, so as we said, we're going to be writing the opening of Christmas Carol today it's our lesson 8 of 15. Our agenda for today the first thing is we're going to be looking at the job of an opening. What does an opening need to do in our story? Next, we're going to be making a plan and then we'll use that plan to start writing the opening. In this lesson, you will need an exercise book or a piece of paper, a pencil, pen, something to write with and as always your brain. Okay, so the job of an opening, here is a story mountain and this is a great visual to help us understand how a story is structured. A story is broken into four parts, the opening, the build up, the climax, and the resolution. Can you say that with me? We have the opening, the build up, the climax and the resolution. The opening is where the story will start, you will set the scene, introduce the characters and create the atmosphere for the story. The buildup is where you will present a problem. Something that is going wrong with one of our characters, some drama might be about to happen. The climax is the most exciting part and that's where all our exciting things will happen and our characters will be faced with danger or put in interesting situations and then our resolution is where everything sorts itself out, everyone usually in stories ends up having a happy ending and that's our resolution. We are focusing on the opening for this part of writing today. Okay, so if you remember, what's the main job of an opening? You can tell me, you can pause and type or write it down, or you can tell a person who's next to you. What's the main job of an opening? The main job. A good opening needs to do three things. Number one, describe the setting so the reader can picture it. Remember, you are putting words on a page you are not drawing pictures, your words have to get those pictures into your reader's head, you do that with description. Describe any characters so the reader can picture them. We don't want the reader to have a really clear image of the world that we're describing and not have a clear image of the characters that are in it. And finally set the atmosphere for the story. We've talked lots about this in previous lessons, how important it is, especially in a Christmas Carol, to create that negative, uncomfortable unwelcoming atmosphere, because that is all around the Scrooge and starts at the Christmas Carol isn't it? Now we do all of these things so that we can hook the reader in why do we do all of these things? So we can hook the reader in, exactly. And what I mean by that is that we want our opening to be so good and so interesting that the reader can't put our writing down, they are desperate for more, they want to read on, they want to learn more about characters they want to know what's going to happen that's what's an opening does. Okay, we're going to be making a plan because you can't just jump into writing without making a plan first. Before we do that, we've then to re-watch the opening of a Christmas Carol to remind yourself of the setting, also try and spot three moments of action that you can include. And what I mean by that is three things that a character might do and that you think yeah, I should write about that. What happens in the opening that you think Yeah, I definitely need to include that when I'm writing? Okay, let's re-watch the opening of a Christmas Carol. Okay, so let's have a look at our plan. The first part of our power plan is that we must describe the setting. We must tell the reader what time of day it is, the weather and the location, where our story is taking part. Is it taking place in the jungle? Is it taking place on the moon? Is it taking place in London? Maybe London for us. The place where the scene at first takes place. So what I mean by that is where's the specific place that our scene is happening? So if it's in London, is it on a London bus? Is it on a London tube train? Is it in a shop? Is it in a building? Is it's in a restaurant? We are then going to talk about the characters one at a time don't confuse your descriptions, make sure you're describing one character and then moving on to the next character. And talk about what they look like and what they are doing, particularly your important characters. So in our first scene, it's screwed, isn't it. So we will put much more description onto Scrooge than we will the other man, because he's not so important for our story. Finally, we get to the action. And this is where we explain what is happening in this opening scene. And for us it's when the man sees the coal box, the man sees the keys that could open the paddock in the coal box to get the coals, and make a nice warm fire, that Scrooge who looks at him angrily, he does not want that man anywhere near the keys. Okay, just before we start, if you want to, you have the chance now to rewind and re-watch the clip again, keeping your plan in your mind while you're doing it. Have a go at that now. Okay, I think we are ready to start writing. Here's our plan, we will be using that and we will also be using this. This is a success criteria, and it is just the things you need to do to become successful in today's lesson. If your writing is going to be successful, it's going to be the best you can possibly do you'll need to try and show me that you can do these things. And the first thing is, I have used adjectives before my nouns to describe them in a more detailed way. Don't forget your comma to separate your adjectives. We want to see nouns with adjectives before them so it helps the reader to picture that noun. if your noun is a desk, then you want adjectives before that to tell me about the desk desk. Is it a white desk? Is it a wooden desk? Is it a metal desk? Is it a glass desk? Is it a huge desk? Is it a bulky desk? Or is it a slim desk? You've got to put that desk in your reader's mind. And you can only do that with adjectives. Your next target, I have used verbs and adverbs to describe what people and things 'cause remember it's not just people that can have verbs and adverbs things can have verbs as well, they can be doing something. Verbs and adverbs describe what people and things are doing. Now, your third target. I have used coordinating conjunctions to write compound sentences and I've given you the three coordinating conjunctions we used bow up in previous lessons, didn't we? The snake to help us remember it, but I've given you the coordinating junctions here and, but an or, and notice the but and or have commons before them, and does not. Now I put one target at the and which is an above and beyond target. If you want to really push yourself to become an amazing writer, this is the kind of target you will want to include. I have included a complex sentence using a subordinating clause, which starts with when or as, and has a comma before the start of the main clause. We've looked at this in previous lessons so you may need to go back to our previous lessons to remind yourself if you're not feeling confident on this, or you can have a watch of me have a go, and that might help you. Or you can stick to your three main targets and leave the above and beyond target for a time when you are feeling more confident. But all I want you to do is include a complex sentence, which we'll start with when, or as, and then have a main clause after that subordinate clause. Okay, let's get started. We're writing the opening. Okay, firstly, we need to describe the setting, the time of day, the weather, location and the place where the first scene takes place. On a moonless, calm night. That's how I've decided to start and it's great because it tells us time of day and it tells us the weather. It tells us that it's not raining because I would have said that. I just said it's moonless and calm Moonless means it's very, very dark, calm, not raining, night tells us what time of day it is really good. Haven't said what location yet so I need to make sure I can get that in. On a moonless, calm night, thick, glistening snow fell continuously down. So now I actually even know what time of year that our story is taking place, but I haven't even finished my first sentence. On a moonless, calm night, thick, glistening snow fell continuously down onto a narrow street in London, full stop. My first sentence is done, I have told you where the action is taking place, London I've told you about the weather, what time of year it is, what time of day it is, really really nice. Oh, calm, glistening, we have a problem, we have a problem. What is it? Why have I highlighted those words as a problem for a potential edit? Can you spot why those words don't fit in our opening of a Christmas Carol? What atmosphere are we trying to create? A calm, glistening atmosphere? With glistening snow and a calm night, it sounds so peaceful, sounds lovely then doesn't it. I'd love to walk across the glistening snow. He's done the atmosphere we want to create. Nope, we want it to be dark and that's why moonless works really well 'cause it tells me how dark it is, but we want it to be uncomfortable it's not a welcoming, calm, glistening atmosphere, is it? Let's change calm for eerie, eerie is a great word it just means when something is uncomfortable, potentially frightening and that fits well with what we're trying to create. And glistening, snow let's change glistening for freezing snow, much less positive that snow would be so, so cold, wouldn't it? Let's focus on that much better. Okay, my success criteria, is there anything that I can take off already after just one sentence, surely not. Wait a second, I have used adjectives before, like nouns to describe them, did I do that? Let's get a moonless, eerie night, thick, freezing snow, narrow streets yes I did. So I can put a smiley face in my box there to show that I did that well done. Okay, now let's move on because we are going to start writing about the characters one at a time. But before we do that, we need to say the place where the first scene takes place. So I can use a great sentence starts to say where we are, and that is inside a small building on the side of the road. So I know that this action is now taking place, not on the narrow streets, where we were in the first sentence. I've brought the reader inside, a small building on the side of the road. Inside a small building on the side of the road, describing the characters. I know, so I've got scrooge, I know we could refer to him as a man, a person, a banker, a misery we said. Inside a small building on the side of the road, a banker sat at a bulky wooden desk, counting coins. Now I've told you where he is, I have told you what you're doing, that's good. However, banker, there's no adjectives before that as though I've not described him. Okay, let's aren't sort of got grumpy mean rude, cruel, heartless, selfish, greedy, there really suitable adjectives for Scrooge. Which ones do you think we should use? Just shout them out, what should I go for? Oh, and what do I need to remember between my attitude there needs to be a coma? Good, okay so let's go for heartless coma selfish banker. Let's read that sentence again and check if that sounds like, Hey, do you notice how I do that? I always go back to the start of my sentence and read it all the way through to keep checking it makes sense. It's the only way to check your work, to read it out loud from the start of the sentence. Inside a small building on the side of the road, a heartless, selfish banker named Scrooge sat at a bulky, wooden desk counting coins. Okay, I've not said about what he looks like so let's start adding that in there. I could talk about his long pointy nose, his grey, thin hair, his wrinkled, pale skin his is beady, dark eyes. I think for me, when I look at Scrooge, the thing that really stands out is his hair that long, unusual grey, thin hair. So let's try and think that, put that in there. So we've got this old man had thin grey hair and let's find something else and let's talk about his skin, shall we wrinkled pale skin? So your thin grey hair and his skin was pale and wrinkled. Did you see why I did there? You don't always have to write adjective coma, adjective noun when you're describing. Instead of that I've said his skin was, and then I've told you the adjectives. You want to keep your writing varied we're always talking about that. Variety is the spice of life. I always remember that when I'm writing, keep my sentences varied. Don't fall into a pattern where you'll keep doing the same thing. Okay, let's say what they're doing. Oh, no I've got to describe the other character first. I've know, so across the shadowy room, it's a good description of the room across the shadowy room, a stocky and stocky means when someone is quite short and quite wide well-built they're not skinny a stocky man warmed his hands over a tiny fading candle. Nice, I have not described him in as much detail as scrooge, but that's okay because Scrooge is our priority, most important character. Okay, problem, sorry, everyone warmed why is that an issue? It's a verb. What should it have? Verbs need to go with adverbs of course. So he warmed, desperately warmed, that's much better. The adverb desperately tells me how cold he was. He was desperately more than his hands over the flame to try and get some heat much better. Okay, let's see where we are up to in our success criteria. So let's just check I have used verbs and adverbs to describe what people and things are doing. Well, I know I've done that because I've just written desperately warmed, which is a good example of a verb with an adverb so smiley face there. Okay, next one I have used coordinated conjunctions to write compound sentences. I've done it with and but I haven't done but or or. I always like to say, you've got to have done it with two separate things or two instances to be able to tick off that thing on the success criteria. So I'm going to edit here, right? Okay, so you've got full stop at the end of my last sentence after candle, let's get rid of that full stop and replace it with a but and a coma there. So the sentence will read, across the shadowy room. A stocky man desperately warmed his hands over a tiny fading candle, but what do you think now? We said, but sentences work like this, something positive, something negative. So warming his hands, I guess is a positive thing. He was desperately warming his hands But what do you think? Let's hear an idea. He was desperately warming his hands, but yes, really nice yeah, he was still shivering something about him being cold still, the warming not working that works well done and not means that, Oh, let's make sure we've got a constantly they're always adding an adverb, but he was shivering constantly adverb with the our verb good and that means we can then take off our last of our third main targets. We're just onto our above and beyond a whether or and sentence and we'll do that in the next piece of writting. Well, the next section of our opening, I should say. Okay, so section three, the action. This is where the man sees the coal box, the man sees the keys, Scrooge looks at him angrily, okay. I know to meet my targets, I'm going to need a when sentence starter subordinating conjunction when to start my subordinating clause, when the frozen man looked down comma so what was happening when he looked down what did he see? Yeah, he could see a soot-stained coal box with a chunky, metal padlock on it. So that means the seen the coal box next thing he needs to see the keys. Can I take off anything now? Yes, I've done my one sentence so I can put my smiley face in all my targets are done. That doesn't mean I stopped writing I still need to finish the piece of writing that I'm doing it just means I've already achieved all my targets. When the frozen man looked down, he could see a 16 cold box with a chunky metal padlock on it. A moment later, he spied the keys for the padlock, lying on the desk. I like spiked there because he's looking around the room a bit like a spy isn't he good verb for look, but Scrooge glared threateningly at him. Another great way to use but. He sees the keys, but Scrooge glared threateningly at him. Right, I could say what he glared threateningly at him with. Did he glare at him with his long, pointy nose? You don't glare at someone with your nose. Did he look at him or glare at him? I should say with his beady dark eyes? Yes, but Scrooge glared threateningly at him with his beady coma dark eyes, full stop. Well done and there we have it. It is now your turn to have a go at writing your own opening. I want you to pause the lesson on either of the next two slides to help you. I'm going to show you your plan and your success criteria. You'll want to flick between those two when you're writing. Your plan will help you to keep on track, your success criteria will tell you what you need to be doing in your writing to achieve that success, okay? I do not want you to just copy what I've done. You don't need to go back and read mine again. It's all in your head from being a part of this lesson. It's now over to you guys and you definitely will be able to achieve this. You got such a good knowledge of this opening and I can't wait to read yours. Okay, so here's your plan. Here's your success criteria. You will need to pause, rewind and get these two up on screen when you're writing. Okay, so we've looked at the job of an opening, we've made our plan and we have written the opening and that's it for today. It's over to you now. I have shown you my model of writing and all that is as a model. I want you to be influenced by it, but definitely not to copy it. I want your ideas, okay? I look forward to seeing your opening of a Christmas Carol. See, as soon everyone.

To write the opening

To write the opening

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UnitEnglish / A Christmas Carol - Narrative writing

English