To write the first part of the opening

Key Stage 2

English

Oliver - Narrative writing

﻿Hello. My name is Miss Vincent and I'm going to be teaching you today for this writing lesson. In today's lesson, we're going to get to write the section of the opening that we planned in lesson six. And we're going to try really hard to use some excellent precise vocabulary, some personification and some great description. So you will need your plans from lesson six and your brains ready to do lots and lots of writings. So let's get started. Off we go. So you can see our agenda for today on your screens. We're going to start with the writing warmup, revising those skills of personification that we've practised in lesson six. Then we're going to review and recap the scene. So we're going to think carefully about what scene we're writing. Then we're going to identify our success criteria. So, the tools that will help us be successful in our writing. And finally, the best part we get to move on to completing our writing. In this lesson, you will need an exercise book or a piece of paper, you'll need a pencil or a pen, and you will also need your plan from lesson six. So if there's anything that you need, then please pause the video, go and get it. And then when you're ready to start, press play. Okay. Super! Hopefully we're all set and ready to go. So let's start off with our writing warmup thinking about personification. So I want you to use this picture to help you come up with some examples of personification. Remember personification is where we give an object or an atmosphere, qualities, or abilities that only a human can have. So we talked about the leaves on a bush dancing in the wind, we talked about the thunder roaring in a thunderstorm, and we talked about a scarf giving you a hug. Those are all things that people can do, but we can use them to describe what objects are doing and to show your reader really clearly how they make the characters feel and to imagine them clearly. So I'd like you to use this image, as I said to help you think of ideas for personification. You might think about what are the bowls doing that we could say, the walls, the sunlight, the boys' stomachs. So pause the video and write down your examples of personification and press play when you're ready to move on. Okay. Really good jobs. So let's check some possible ideas for personification. You might have said that the bowl taunted them begin eating before it was time. So they were almost teasing them to start eating, but they would get in trouble if they did. The walls caged them in. So the walls were holding them in like they were in cages. The sunlight danced through the window, showing them signs of a better life outside the workhouse, or the boys stomachs howled when they're grumbling, we could describe them as how and protested they're very cross as they waited for their next meal. So really well done if you came up with any examples of personification, they don't have to match the ones that I came up with. So let's move on to thinking about which section of the story we're going to be writing. We're going to be writing the section of the story, where we described the room that the boys are in and the atmosphere, how it makes us feel describing the boys queueing for their meal, describing Mr. Bumble saying grace, and then finally a description of the boys eating their food. But each of these sections, we're going to write at least one sentence so that we're making sure that we're retelling the opening, but we're going to also try and challenge ourselves to write a little bit more than that, but at least one section per picture. You'll need your pan from lesson six. So where you will only have two columns. So just the writing, I put the pictures in to help us remember which section we're thinking about, you'll have Expanded Noun Phrases, personification, and so on. So you need to make sure that you have your plan from lesson six, if you don't have it, then pause the video and go off and find it please 'cause you'll need it for your writing. Okay, so that's the... the rest of our plan, you should have four rows with lots and lots of ideas written down. So let's think about what's going to make us successful in our writing today. So our first step to success is having our plan right next to us. It's really important. We worked so hard in that planning lesson, so make sure that we use our plan and that we have it there for some idea. So we're not trying to think on the spot of what the ideas are, but we're trying to make our ideas as useful and purposeful in creating the picture for our reader. Our usual skills for successful writing, so checking that we haven't missed any capital letters or any punctuation, thinking about our sentence first, saying it in our heads or out loud, writing it down, and then reading it through afterwards. And always going back to edit and improve when we'd be reading our work. In terms of our specific success criteria to today's piece of writing, we're going to work really hard to describe the setting and the characters using precise vocabulary. So lots of adjectives for description, but also some ENPs, Expanded Noun and Phrases where we're thinking about adding lots of detail to a noun to give a really clear image of what that man is doing. So the hall, we could describe the empty cavernous hall, filled with hungry boys. I can really picture the hall when I'm adding all that detail to that noun. We're going to try and use at least one example of personification, and we've got some of that in our plan, so we can use that. And then we're going to use precise verbs and adverbs to show the action and to show the movements. Okay, onto my favourite part onto writing some of us are opening. So in today's lesson, I'm going to write a little bit and then it will be your turn. And I'll also show you an example. So we'll do it in turns, we write a little bit at a time and I might be typing it up, writing out, or reading you something that I've already written that matches our success criteria. So let's get started with our writing. So my aim in this section is to describe the hall really clearly, and I'm going to aim to use a little bit of personification as well for the room or perhaps the bowls. So I'm going to look at my plan to describe the room because I've got lots of vocabulary that I can take from there. And I'm going to start with the gloomy cavernous hall. So gloomy is dark and cavernous is like the inside of a cave. So the gloomy cavernous hall was filled and I'm going to continue to take from my pan was filled with miserable, starving orphans, so there is a both lines I've taken from my plan and they're waiting, and I'm going to think about the next section in my plan where I've described the food. And I described it as a pitiful portion and I quite like the pp sound and that alliteration is, and we have words start with the same sound. So I'm going to go with pitiful portion. So the gloomy cavernous hall was filled with the rows of miserable, starving orphans, waiting desperately to eat that pitiful portion of gruel. So capital letter. The gloomy, cavernous hall, was filled with and insert just filled with rows of miserable, that means they really unhappy, starving, they're really hungry orphans waiting desperately to eat rating desperately to eat their pitiful portion. I like how the pp sounds like pitiful portion of gruel. Let me reread my sentence. The gloomy cavernous hall was filled with rows of miserable, starving orphans, waiting desperately to eat that pitiful portion of gruel. Okay, so for my next sentence, I'm going to try and do a bit of personification and I want to describe how they feel while they're waiting, staring at their food. So I'm going to look at my plan and I'm going to go with, hunger ate at their stomachs, hunger ate at their stomachs, and I'm going to make it a complex sentence. And I'm going to say, as, so, an as complex sentence, showing two things happening at the same time. So, hunger ate at their stomach as their bowls of food taunted them to eat without waiting. So hunger, capital H, hunger ate at their stomachs. Remember it's a personification 'cause hunger itself can't eat things and eating at the stomach is that really tight knot that you feel sometimes when you're really, really hungry and your stomach is growling away. So hunger ate at their stomach as that bowls of food. And it's their T-H-E-I-R because it belongs to them rather than there, over there which is T-H-E-R-E, as their bowls of food, taunted them and this is like teasing, taunted them to eat without waiting. Haunted or tempted, perhaps tempted them to eat without waiting. Okay, let's reread that whole thing. The gloomy cavernous hall was filled with rows of miserable, starving orphans waiting desperately to eat their pitiful portion of gruel. Hunger ate at their stomachs as their bowls of food taunted them to eat without waiting. So if I look back at my success criteria, I've got lots of adjectives in there. I've got an example of personification and I've got some verbs and adverbs, they're waiting desperately and the hunger ate. So lots of description in there. You're turn now to write at least one sentence describing the room and the boys, but you might want to challenge yourself and add in a couple more sentences, really thinking about the detail. This is an excellent opportunity for personification, our second success criteria. So look carefully at your plan and see if you can take one of those ideas for personification and put it into your writing. Happy writing and press play when you are done. So pause the video and write and press play hen you're ready to move on. Super! Let's move on to the next section. For this section, I'm going to read you an a model, an example few sentences describing this section. A line of emaciated boys, emaciated means really, really thin and almost malnourished. That means when you haven't had enough food and you're very thin from it. A line of emaciated boys, shuffled silently towards Mr. Bumble, who was the strict, imposing master of the workhouse. One by one, they received their meagre amount of the bland slimy meal. So I've taken lots of ideas from my plan. I've got strict and imposing, which describes his appearance, which I've taken from the index section where we talked about his appearance. But meagre, and bland and slimy are all adjectives that we came up with together to describe the food. And I've got some, a verb and an adverb to describe how the children are moving. They shuffled silently. So let me read that one more time. A line of emaciated boys shuffled silently towards Mr. Bumble, who was the strict imposing master of the workhouse. One by one, they received their meagre amount of the bland, slimy meal. And meagre means it's a very, very small amount that's very unsatisfying. Okay, your turn now to write your description of the boys queuing for the gruel. So the adjectives will be really describing that food as it slops out, you can make sure that you already knows it's disgusting and it's not very delicious, it's bland, it's watery, it's slimy. And then you can definitely make sure that you include lots of precise verbs and adverbs for the way that the boys are walking, how they're queuing up, the way that the food is dished out. Lots of opportunity for description. So pause the video, write your sentences and press play when you're ready to move on. Excellent! Halfway done. So let's move on to our next section of writing. So, for this section, I want to describe Mr. Bumble perhaps, and describe what he's doing. So I'm going to start with a time conjunction to describe when he starts talking and it's once there all seated. So past tense, once they were all seated, that's telling my reader when it's happening. So, once they were all seated, so that's my kind conjunction to start off. And I need a comma after my time conjunction. And I'm going to describe him. I'm going to look at my plan, I'm going to describe him as a towering figure. And I want to describe his voice and I'm going to say that it boomed out across the dusty room. So once they were all seated, the towering figure's voice boomed out across the dusty room. The towering... I don't need a capital letter in all of my sentence, the towering figure's. So it's a figure's voice. It's a voice that belongs to him. So I need an apostrophe for possession, the towering figure's voice boomed out across the dusty room. Now I am continuing, even though the section isn't necessarily about describing the room, 'cause we did that previously, we can continue to add detail as we go so that our reader can build on this image of this room as they read it. Continues to add a little jigsaw pieces to piece together a whole picture of the room. Then he starts talking and I'm going to look at my plan. And it says he chanted suddenly, which means in a serious manner. So I'm going to, instead of using it as a verb, I'm going to use it as an adjective and a noun, so his solemn chant. A chant is a thing that you repeat and solemn means that it's very serious. So his solemn chants echoed on and then they echoed on the walls. So I'm going to describe the walls on the cold stone walls and made the boys shudder. If you shudder, you get almost like a shiver because it's unpleasant. So capital letter. His solemn, and solemn is a funny one. It's an n and then an m, solemn. We can hear that his solemn chant echoed on the cold, stone walls and made the boys shudder. Let me read it back. Once they were all seated, the towering figure's voice boomed out across the dusty room. His solemn chants echoed on the cold stone walls and made the boys shudder. Okay, you're turn now to write your section about Mr. Bumble saying grace. Remember we're not worrying about describing the words that he's saying. We want to describe the atmosphere, how it feels in the room, we want to describe how his voice sounds, how the boys feel, but we don't have to describe the words that he's saying. So pause the video, write your sentences and press play when you're ready to move on. Good job! Fantastic! On to our last section of writing for today. For this last section, I want to start by describing how quickly it happens. And I'm going to look at my plan and I'm going to choose my last example of a time conjunction. The second the master stopped talking. This shows the reader that it happened straight away. So the second the master stopped talking, and the children are really hungry. So I'm going to describe them as the ravenous children. The ravenous children inhale the tiny portion, which was barely more than a spoonful. And I've used a relative close at the end there to add in more information. So I've told them it's a tiny portion, and then I've added more information using the relative pronoun, which telling them it was just more than a spoonful, barely more than a spoon. They polished the bowls clean, while their stomachs continued to protest and demand more. So that's another example of personification, which is my second success criteria. So let me read that one more time. The second the master stopped talking, the ravenous children inhaled their tiny portion, which was barely more than a spoonful. They polished the bowls clean while their stomachs continued to protest and demand more. If you protest, you say that you disagree with something, so they want more. Okay, your turn to finish off. So, a description of the boys eating their food, some precise verbs and adverbs, really describing how they devoured the food or they inhaled the food, or they gobbled it up, showing the reader that they have happened really, really quickly, and perhaps using one of those quick time conjunctions that you wrote down in your plan. So pause the video, write your sentences and press play when you're ready to move on. Really well done. What a fantastic job! Lots of writing today, so you've done incredibly well. Well done! So let's read a whole piece of writing through in one go. I will read mine and then you can have a go reading yours. Okay. The gloomy cavernous hall was filled with rows of miserable, starving orphans waiting desperately to eat their pitiful portion of gruel. Hunger ate at their stomachs as their bowls of food taunted them to eat without waiting. A line of emaciated, that means really skinny, boys shuffled silently towards Mr. Bumble, who was the strict imposing master of the workhouse. One by one, they received their meagre amount of the bland, slimy meal. Once they were all seated, the towering figure's voice boomed out across the dusty room. His solemn chants echoed on the cold stone walls and made the boys shudder. The second the master stopped talking, the ravenous children inhaled their tiny portion, which was barely more than a spoonful. They polished the bowls clean while their stomachs continued to protest and demand more. Okay, your turn to read your writing through in one go. Pause the video, read it through and pass play when you're finished. Okay, fantastic! I hope you enjoyed reading your really hard work. You've got so much today. Well done. So that's the end of our lesson for today, we've completed all the sections. You've worked really hard. So really well done for all of your hard work. If you'd like to, please share your writing with a parent or carer. So in lesson nine and lesson 10, we're going to be planning and writing the next part of the opening. So where the boys draw straws, Oliver gets picked to go and ask for more food and he has to walk up to Mr. Bumble asking for more food. They're really well done, for all of your hard work, and I will see you soon for more lessons on Oliver Twist. Bye.

To write the first part of the opening

To write the first part of the opening

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UnitEnglish / Oliver - Narrative writing

English