To write the first part of a build-up scene

Key Stage 2

English

Oliver - Narrative writing

﻿Hello, Miss Vincent here with your English lesson for today. In today's lesson we're going to be writing the first part of the buildup so you will need to have watched lesson number six of this outcome, which is the planning lesson, because in lesson number six, we watched the parts of the buildup from the film and we came up with lots and lots of ideas and in today's lesson we're going to be writing this section of the buildup, first two parts using our plan to help us make the most of it, so writing lessons are my favourite lessons because we can get those ideas really going and we can start to think about putting them all together like a jigsaw puzzle. So let's get started with our writing today. On the screen you can see our agenda for today. So we're going to start with a writing warmup and we're going to be thinking about spelling today, then we're going to move on to reviewing and recapping the scene, so thinking about what we've already looked at and thinking about what we're going to be writing today, then we're going to move on to identify our success criteria, so what is a good idea to include in our writing today so that we can be successful, and then finally we're going to move on to writing the sentences. In this lesson you will need an exercise book or a piece of paper, you will need a pencil or a pen, and you will need your plan from lesson six, with all of your ideas for this section of the buildup. So if there's anything that you need to go and get, then please pause the video, go and get it and press play when you're ready to start the lesson. Okay, great, so hopefully we're all set and ready to go. So as I said, our writing warm up today is a spelling warmup. So I've got lots of different words and on the left they are spelled one way and on the right they are spelt one way as well. So I want you to choose the correct spelling. In the first row the word is market, and we're going to just, I'm just going to read them as we move down, then we've got exhausted, bustling, paced, and waited. So I'd like you to pause the video, to choose the correct spelling, and then press play once you've made all of your choices. Okay, fantastic. Let's check. So the correct spelling of market was on the left hand side with a K not a CK sound, exhausted has got that H that we can't hear, so the correct spelling was on the right, bustling has got a silent T and bustling means really, really busy, it's lively and excited, paced has got a soft C that makes the S sound just like in the word circle, so although it's that's s noise, it's the letter C that has a soft C sound and then waited is the AI sound to make the a, not a Y, so well done if you've got any of those correctly, well done. So let's think about the scene that we're going to be writing about today, it's not the whole buildup remember, it's just the first half so that in lessons 9 and 10 we can plan and write the rest of the buildup. So in today's writing, we're going to start off with the early morning at the marketplace setting up. We're going to move on to really describe exhausted Oliver in detail, thinking about the busy marketplace later in the day, and then finally Dodger appearing in the market and looking at Oliver. For each of these events, I want us to aim to write at least one sentence, but I'm sure that we can aim to do a little bit more than that so that we can add lots and lots of detail to our writing. So you should have your plan from lesson six, these are the first two boxes of mine, but there are four in total where we planned each section of this part of the buildup, so remember if you need your plan and you don't have it next to you, then please pause the video and go and get it now. Okay, so now let's think about our success criteria for today. Success criteria just means what we could try to include in our writing today so that we can make it as effective and as successful as possible for the type of writing that we're doing and in this case we're writing a narrative, so there are lots of things that we can try to include. So first and foremost, we always have the same steps for success. We need to have our plan next to us, it's a waste of a whole lesson if we don't have our plan next to us, not to mention that it really helps us with ideas because what's really challenging is to try and write and come up with ideas and check for our spellings and check for our capital letters and full stops, so when we've got our plan next to us, that takes some of that effort away because our ideas are right there and we can check back and forth to remember those, that they're the vocabulary and the sequence of events and all those different aspects that are part of writing. We're going to be using our skills for successful writing, so we're going to use our capital letter and full stop check or end of sentence punctuation check to make sure that for every sentence we've got that punctuation, we're going to say, write, read, so always think of our sentence before we write it down, write it down and then read it to check that what we've written is actually what we wanted to write and then finally going back, reading the whole thing and editing and improving. So today's success criteria, let's look at them one by one, so first of all, we're going to describe the setting and the characters using precise vocabulary, using that skill of ENPs, expanded noun phrases that we practise with adjective, adjective, noun. We're going to also, success criteria number two, try and use an example of personification. Remember that's when we give qualities that people have and use verbs for things that people do for object or different things in the atmosphere or the way that the atmosphere makes us feel even. And then finally we're going to, as always, use precise verbs and adverbs to show the action and to show the movements. So let's move on to our writing now. So hopefully you've got your paper in front of you, you've got your pen or pencil, and you've got your plan right next to you. So with writing, we're going to do a little bit of my turn, your turn, I might do some writing, or I might read you an example of a few sentences for that section, and then it will be your turn, so we're going to write in small sections, one event at a time so that then by the end, we've got the whole part of the buildup. Okay, let's get ready with our writing. So the first part of my scene I'm writing is happening early in the morning as the market is being set up. I'm going to start my sentence with a fronted adverbial of time that shows when something is happening and it's happening early in the morning, so that's the one that I'm going to choose. So early in the morning, I need a capital E for early in the morning and then after my fronted adverbial I need to make sure that I include a comma, and I want to refer to the marketplace as a sleepy marketplace cause I can tell it's early, I can tell that lots of people are probably still sleeping so it's being set up and I'm going to use a bit of personification and I'm going to look at my plan to help me and it says the marketplace was slowly waking up, ready for another busy day. So I'm going to use that, I'm going to say, early in the morning, the sleepy market place was slowly waking up, so early in the morning, the sleepy market place, actually that's all one word, marketplace was slowly waking up, waking up is something that people do, not marketplaces, so that's an example of personification. And actually in my plan, it says ready for another busy day, so I'm going to extend my idea with the coordinating conjunction and, so that I can add another main clause, another full idea, so early in the morning, the sleepy marketplace was slowly up and getting ready for another busy day. Getting ready for another busy day, full stop and it's really great to have my plan right there because then I don't need to think of new examples, I can lift them straight from my plan. So let me reread that sentence. Early in the morning, the sleepy marketplace was slowly waking up and getting ready for another busy day. So I've got some adjectives to describe the marketplace, it's sleepy, I've got some adverbs and verbs, slowly waking up, and then we've got getting ready, which is another verb, so, and I've used some personification, so I've used already in my first sentence, all three of my success criteria. So now I'd like to describe the people, so the market sellers, the people who sell at the market and I've already just used the word busy, so looking at my plan, I've written focused busy market sellers, but I've just used the word busy so I'm not going to repeat it. So I'm just going to call them focused market sellers. And what they're doing is setting up their stalls for the day. So focused market sellers set up their stalls for the day. Focused market sellers set up their, and it's eir, their, because it belongs to them, not like there, over there, which is ere, so focused market sellers set up their, belongs to them, their stalls, the places that they sell from, and I'm going to show something happening at the same time, so I'm going to use the subordinating conjunction as, to show that because when I use as, I can show two things happening at once, so the market sellers are setting up as something else is happening and I'm going to go with another example of personification and if I look at my first example in my plan it says the cart groaned under the weight of the heavy sacks. So I'm going to say as and then I've got some adjectives in my first section of my plan, overflowing packed cart. So their stores as the packed, overflowing cart groaned, I'm taking that from my plans, so as the packed, comma, overflowing cart groaned, and I'm going to say tiredly, so real personification, groaning is a noise that humans make and feeling tired is an emotion that humans feel, so it's not what the cart would do, but we use it because it sounds nice and we can really imagine it, so that's an example of personification. So the packed, overflowing carts groaned tiredly under the weight of the bulging sacks and we've got that word bulging in our plan as well, which means it's almost, they're almost exploding under the weight of the bulging sacks, full stop. So I've got two ideas happening at once, I've got the market sellers setting up their stalls at the same time as the cart groans, so I've got as centres. Let me just read that through, focused market sellers set up their stores as the packed, overflowing cart groaned tiredly under the weight of the bulging sacks. Your turn now to write your sentence or sentences about the early morning at the marketplace, try really hard to use at least one example of personification, we have that in our plan, so we can take that directly from our plan and put it into our writing and lots and lots of description with adjectives, verbs, and adverbs. Press pause to write your sentences and then press play when you're ready to move on. Okay, well done, really good job. Let's move on to the second part of our writing today. For this section, I'm going to read you my sentences, so follow along with your finger and read out loud as well. So sprawled on the steps, comma, so that's describing how, so it's an adverbial of manner, describing how, so sprawled on the steps, Oliver waited helplessly, I've taken that from my plan, for the day to begin. He did not know what to do. And now I'm going to describe his appearance. His feet were blistered and bleeding and his dirty, ripped clothes let in the cold morning air. The boy gazed longingly at the tantalising food that was on display. So I've taken lots of ideas from my plan and put them together, so I've got lots of adjectives and I've got some precise verb and adverb choices. So I'd like you to read this piece of writing out loud to yourself now, so pause the video and read it out loud to yourself, starting with sprawled, all the way to the end of the sentence that ends in display. Okay, well done. Now it's your turn to write about exhausted Oliver on the steps, really describing his appearance, so what he looks like, his clothes, his feet, where he's lying, how he's lying, so a real focus on success criteria number one, with ENPs and adjectives, and then success criteria number three with really precise verb and adverb choices. Remember to try and always use a range of sentence types, so you might include a compound sentence perhaps with and or but, and then you might include a complex sentence to show things happening at the same time perhaps, or to show opposite ideas, so pause the video, write your sentences, and press play when you're ready to move on. Great, let's move on to the third part of our writing. So for my next sentence, I want to show that there's been a change between the marketplace in the morning and the marketplace now. So I don't actually know how long it's been but I'm going to make the choice to say it's one hour. That seems reasonable to me. So I'm going to start with a fronted adverbial of time and that fronted adverbial of time is going to be just one hour later, so I need my capital J, just one hour later, and after my fronted adverbial of time, I need a comma. Now this is a jump in time and when we have a jump in place or a jump in time, often we start a new paragraph. So this is a new paragraph to me. To show that it's a new paragraph, I'm going to indent my writing slightly. Okay, so just one hour later. I'm going to that just one hour later, the marketplace was transformed. Marketplace was transformed, full stop. In my next sentence I want to talk about the shoppers and I'm going to look at my plan and I've described them as flustered shoppers and then I'm going to think about some verbs and adverbs. I said they're shopping hurriedly, they're chatting happily, or they're darting swiftly, so I'm going to combine two of those, and I'm going to say flustered shoppers darted hurriedly through the large, lively crowd. So, flustered shoppers darted hurriedly through the large, comma, lively crowd, the flustered shoppers darted hurriedly through the large, lively crowd. And I want to build on that, talking about the animated shouts as well, so I'm going to use a coordinating conjunction and, to show that there is more to come, another idea, similar idea to come and I'm going to say, and animated shouts filled the air, remember animated means lively so, and animated shouts filled the air, full stop. So let me reread that sentence. Flustered shoppers darted hurriedly through the large, lively crowd and animated shouts filled the air. So now I want to talk about what Oliver is doing while all of this is happening and he's watching and I want to use a complex sentence, so I'm going to say Oliver watched on while, and then I'm going to describe what's happening at the same time, which is that the Londoners went about their days. So Oliver watched on while the Londoners went about their days, The Londoners went about their days, and Londoners is a group of people so that's why I've put a capital letter there and I've written a complex sentence with my subordinating conjunction while, to show those two things happening at once. So let me reread the whole thing. Just one hour later, the marketplace was transformed. Flustered shoppers darted hurriedly through the large, lively crowd and animated shouts filled the air. Oliver watched on while Londoners went about their days. Okay your turn to write about the busy marketplace later in the day. It's a nice idea to really highlight that contrast between the early morning and later in the day, cause they are very, very different from each other. So using your success criteria to help you, you've got lots of ideas in your plan. So pause the video, write your sentence or sentences, and then press play when you're ready to move on. Okay, well done, fantastic, on to our last section of today's writing. Let me read you an example for the final section. So, out of the corner of his eye, Oliver spotted a young man striding into the marketplace wearing a smart, wearing smart, but ill-fitting clothes. So we describe how he came onto the scene. So out of the corner of his eye, Oliver spotted a young man striding into the marketplace wearing smart, but ill-fitting clothes. Upon noticing Oliver, the stranger stared back in interest. Suddenly, he strode purposefully towards Oliver. So I've taken lots of ideas from my plan. So I'd like you to pause the video and reread this part through to yourself please, pause the video now and press play once you've read it through. Okay. Good job, fantastic. So let's move on to your turn. All right, your turn now to write your section about Dodger appearing in the market, super precise verbs and adverbs to show how he's moving and to show what he's doing and thinking carefully about Oliver's reaction. Remember, we can add some detail from our own imagination as well, add embellishing, so adding more detail to what we've seen that Oliver's reacting, the way he's reacting so perhaps talking about his emotions even if that's not something that we've seen a lot of in the film. So pause the video, write your sentences, and press play when you're ready to move on. Okay, fantastic. So now what I would like you to do is to reread your whole piece of writing through in one go, right from the beginning, all the way to the end. And I'm going to do the same later with my writing as well. We do this so that we can perhaps spot any errors that we've made, make any edits or improvements that we think might work even better, but also just to enjoy all the writing that we've done today and to feel proud of the hard work that we put in. So I'd like you to pause the video and read your whole piece of writing through to yourself in one go, start to finish, off you go. Great, I hope that you really enjoyed reading your writing. You should feel very proud of yourself. We finished all of the sections of our lesson now, so well done for all of your hard work and if you'd like to, please share what you've learned with a parent or carer, and I will see you soon for some more learning on Oliver Twist, bye.

To write the first part of a build-up scene

To write the first part of a build-up scene

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UnitEnglish / Oliver - Narrative writing

English