To edit an explanation text

Key Stage 2

English

Chocolate Making - Explanation writing

﻿Hello everyone. It is Mrs Hardisty here with your English lesson for today. I hope you're well. In today's lesson, we are going to be editing. That means that we are going to be correcting and improving the writing that we have already done and it'll make such a difference to the quality of our writing. So when you're ready, let's get started. This is what we're going to do in our lesson for today. We're going to start with a warmup where we look at some spellings. And then we're going to think about the purpose of editing, why we edit. And then we're going to practise editing. And then you are going to do your own editing. So for this lesson, you will need your opening and your harvesting and roasting sections. And you'll need a pencil which you're going to be using for your editing. So please can you make sure you've got all those things and then we can carry on. So our spelling warmup. So I've got a series of words here where I've got the correct spelling and the wrong spelling, the misspelling. And I'd like you to choose which one is correct and then see if you can work out what I've done wrong for the wrong spelling. Here I've got two different spellings of chocolate. Which one is correct first of all? Can you point to it? Which one is it? And can you work out what's wrong with the misspelling? So this is a correct one. And what's wrong with the other one? What letter have I missed out? We missed out the letter O. And although it sounds like it shouldn't have an O in the middle, the word 'chocolate', you can't hear that O in the middle, it does have one. So it's actually almost like cho-co-late, isn't it? So you mustn't forget that O in the middle. Here are our next two. Okay, I've got two different spellings of 'machete'. Which one is correct? Can you point to it? Which one is it? That's right. It's this one here. And what did I get wrong in the other one? I used an S instead of a C. It sounds like a 'sh', but it spelt with a 'ch' just like the word machine. What about the word 'process'? Which one is correct here? Point to it. That's right. It's this one here. And what did I get wrong in the other one? I used an S in the middle when I should have used a C. What about here? The word, 'therefore'? It's one of our causal conjunctions. Therefore. Which one is wrong? Which one is right? Can you point to the correct one? And what have I done with the wrong one? So this is the correct one. And the other one I've actually spelled it like the number four. That's not right for the word 'therefore'. And then lastly, which one is right for the word 'dried'? Which one is right for 'dried'? Point to it. And that's because we know that when a verb ends in a Y, we have to take that Y off and then add I E D when we're writing it in the past tense. So now let's think about why we edit. What is the purpose of editing? So editing is the process of making any necessary changes to a text or a video. When you edit, you decide what will stay and what will be changed. It's a really difficult skill to master because editing something that you've done yourself can be really tricky because you're so used to what you've written it's really hard to spot any mistakes or ways that you can actually improve it. It's much easier to do this for somebody else or to have someone else edit your work. So it's a real skill to learn how to edit your own work. So what does an editor do? Every author will have an editor who looks through their work and edits it. So an editor goes through a writer's work and checks for mistakes and makes improvements. Every author needs an editor. Everyone knows even authors who are super successful and have written lots and lots of books, that a first draught of your writing shouldn't be your final draught. So no author has ever written a book straight off and then just had it published straight away. It always goes to an editor to check for mistakes, to see how it can be improved, to add things, to take things away. And that makes it a better piece of writing by the end. So why do we need to edit? See if you can notice something here. I've written, 'The workers use there machetes to split open the pods.' What do you notice? Can you spot a mistake? So I used the wrong spelling of the word 'there'. It should be spelled T H E I R because the machetes belong to the workers and it changes the meaning of the sentence because I've spelt it incorrectly. It actually means the machetes over there and that will then really confuse my reader. So it's really important to edit so that we can pick up on mistakes like that so that we don't confuse our reader. Now editing involves two stages: correcting and then improving. So when you're correcting, you're looking for spellings that you might've done wrong, for any punctuation that's missing or in the wrong place, particularly for commas, and then for any missing words or sentences that don't make sense when you read through them. And then after you've corrected the mistakes, you then want to improve your writing. So we might want to add adjectives to describe some of our nouns, so the brittle beans or the raw beans. We might want to start our sentences in different ways. So for example, with fronted adverbials or with conjunctions, we might want to add in causal conjunctions to help link our ideas if we've forgotten to do that before. We might want to include compound and complex sentences or relative clauses. So this is not just correcting it but making our writing even better. So we're going to have a practise of editing together and then you're going to go and edit your own work. So now we're going to practise editing one of my bits of writing. So this is my opening introduction and there are quite a few mistakes in there. And I'm sure there are some things that we could do to make it even better by improving it. So I'm going to read it out and as I do so I'd like you to be reading and following along really carefully and seeing if you can spot any mistakes. Are there some spelling errors? Is there punctuation that is missing? Is there punctuation in the wrong place? Are there ways that I can extend my sentences or add in adjectives or adverbs to improve it? Get a read and then we're going to pause the video. 'Chocolate is one of the world's most popular treats. Over 700,000 tonnes of chocolate are eaten every year in the UK alone. Have you ever wondered how it is made? Making chocolate is a long process. It starts in the cocoa farms where the beans grow and were harvested. Then it moves to chocolate making factories where they are roasted, ground, mixed and moulded.' Alright, I'm sure you spotted lots of things. Can you now pause the video and point to all the things that need changing, that need editing? I'll see you in a moment. Pause now. Alright so I think I found everything but let's see if I have. In my first sentence I saw that we had a spelling mistake, that same spelling mistake that we looked in our warmup. So I missed out an O. So I've crossed it out neatly, and then I have replaced it with the word 'chocolate' spelled correctly. And I also had a missing apostrophe because I needed to show that the treats belong to the world. And I didn't have that apostrophe in before the S in the word 'worlds'. So I've added that in now. And then I thought, well, actually it would be nice to add in a description of those treats. So I've added in, I've improved it by putting in 'mouth-watering', one of those descriptions of really delicious food. Now, my second sentence didn't start with a capital letter so I've put that in now. My third sentence was a question but I only had a full stop at the end of it. So what do I need to do? I need to turn that full stop into a question mark. And then unfortunately I'd spelled the word 'process' wrong in the next sentence just as I had in our warmup. So I've done a nice, neat line through it and then I can replace it with the correct spelling with that C in the middle. And then I thought, "Well actually, I just described it as a long process, but I could add another way of describing it," so I added in multi-step'. So now my sentence reads, 'Making chocolate is a long multi-step process.' And then even as I read this out to you I stumbled over this because I thought that can't be right. And then as I was reading it through I realised I used the wrong tense. So I'd said, 'It starts in the cocoa farms where the beans grew and were harvested.' But instead of the word 'grew' which is in the past tense, I need to use it in the present tense. So it should be 'are grown and harvested'. And then for my last sentence I'd missed out a comma because I had a whole list of different things that happen to the beans. So I've missed out my comma between the verbs 'ground' and 'mixed'. So I added that one in. Did you spot that? So I'd really done some correcting rather than improving. So now I would like to improve by adding in a complex sentence. So I could think about describing a chocolate actually going to the shops to link into my readers, my readers thinking about the fact that this is chocolate that they actually buy and eat. So I'm thinking of a sentence. Maybe it could be 'when the chocolate is done' or 'when the chocolate is made it transported to the shops where it's bought and eaten.' So I've now added in my complex sentence. 'After the chocolate is made, it is transported to shops where we can buy and enjoy it.' So I've improved it by adding in a complex sentence at the end. So now it's your turn. Can you get your opening introduction, and you're going to edit it in a moment. And here is our checklist for editing. So first of all, check all of your punctuation, capital letters, full stops, exclamation marks, question marks. Are there any in the wrong place? Are there any missing? Make sure you've got commas after your fronted adverbials, your causal conjunctions, and if you've got a subordinate clause first in your sentence. Check your spellings, use your plans, use a dictionary if you can, if you're not sure. Read it through out loud. It's really hard to find something that doesn't make sense if you're just reading it in your head. I know we can all read in our head but you actually need to read it out loud. And then add some improvements. So you correct first, and then you add your improvements. So can you now pause the video and edit your opening introduction, using the checklist to help you? Lovely. So we're going to practise editing another section and then you're going to go and edit some of your other writing. Again, I'm going to read this out and as I read it see if you can spot any mistakes that I've made or any ways that you think we could improve this. 'Next the workers spread the beans on straw mats and place them in the sun. After approximately one week, the beans are finally dry enough to be packed into bags. They are sent to chocolate factories across the globe. When the beans are packaged before they are dry, they can turn mouldy during the journey.' I can spot a few different mistakes here. Can you? Can you pause the video and point to all the bits that need correcting or improving? Well, hopefully you found lots of things to make this writing better. This is what I thought. So first of all, I noticed that I didn't have a comma after my sequence in conjunction. 'Next', comma, 'the workers spread the beans on straw mats and place them in the sun.' And then I thought I could add an adverb to it explain exactly how they spread the beans. So I've added in 'evenly'. So I've corrected and I've improved. And then I noticed that I've missed another comma. Did you spot that? So 'after approximately one week' comma, 'the beans are finally dry enough to be packed into bags'. And I thought, "Well, I could actually extend this and turn it into a compound sentence." So I crossed out my full stop and capital letter and then I added in the word 'and' so that I've made a compound sentence. And then did you spot this? The misspelling of 'factories'? What have I done wrong? Yeah, I didn't change that Y, did I? So I have to take that Y off and then add I E S. And then I realised that actually I had started my sentence incorrectly. 'When the beans are packaged before they are dry, they can turn mouldy during the journey.' As I was reading that, did you think, "Oh, that doesn't make sense." So it shouldn't start with the word 'when'. What should it start with? It needs to start with the word 'if'. 'If the beans are packaged before they are dry, they can turn mouldy during the journey.' But can you now pause the video and edit your harvesting and roasting sections of your own writing? Lovely editing. Let's just recap what we've done today. So we had a warmup where we talked about some of our spellings. And then we thought about why we edit, the purpose of editing. And we practised editing together. And then you have edited different sections of your writing. I'm sure this has made a big difference to your writing to make it even better. Well done everyone. It's a real skill to edit your own work and you have done really brilliantly. I look forward to seeing you soon. Bye bye.

To edit an explanation text

To edit an explanation text

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UnitEnglish / Chocolate Making - Explanation writing

English