To edit a paragraph of a non-chronological report

Key Stage 2

English

Pandas - Non-chronological report

﻿Hi everybody, and welcome back to our unit, Writing a non-chronological report on pandas. This is lesson 11 of 15. Today's a bit of a different lesson, 'cause we're going to to be planning, and we're not going to be writing. Instead, we're going to be taking a bit of a pit-stop and going back through our work to edit it. So, let's get started. So, our learning objective today is to edit a paragraph of a non-chronological report. This is one of my favourite lessons to teach, normally. It's such a nice treat to be able to have a unit where we've got enough lessons that we can spend time going back through our work, editing, making improvements, so I really hope you enjoy it as much as I do. On the agenda, we're going to do a writing warm-up, then it's going to be a discussion about why we edit, so, the purpose of editing, then we're going to have a go at practising editing a piece of work, and then your independent task is going to be going back through all the writing you've done so far for your non-chronological report, making any improvements, correcting any mistakes. This is quite a short lesson, but hopefully, really valuable. In this lesson, you're going to need an exercise book or some paper, you're going to need your pencil or a pen that is a different colour to the writing that you've been doing so far, so that the edits are really obvious, and then you're going to need your writing from the previous lessons. Writing warm-up. This is when a pen and pencil would be useful, and some paper, because it's a spelling warm-up, which I find it is often that I need to write them down just to practise my spellings to check if they're correct. So, a little bit of a game. What is the correct spelling? All of these words are words that you might find in your writing today, so this is really valuable, and if you have spelt it wrong, this is a chance to write it down in preparation for editing. Camouflage. Which is the correct spelling, which looks familiar, which, if you sound it out, doesn't sound quite right? Yep, you're right, camouflage. It's got that E on the end which makes the G sound like a J, rather than camoflag on the right. Additionally. Which is the correct spelling? This is one that often I see children spelling incorrectly because they forget to double one letter to two letters, in fact. Yep, it's the one on the right's correct, 'cause you need to have a double D and a double L. Bamboo. For me, this one is... I have to just look at it to be able to tell, and it is the one on the left. You just need one M for bamboo, but you do need two double Os. Hiding. Now think which looks right, maybe write them down. Yep, it's the one on the left. The one on the right with the double D would make it then sound as hidding, which is incorrect. And finally, which, as in the which relative pronoun. This is a great one to be able to spell correctly, because then it makes your relative clause more accurate. Yep, it's the one on the right, you need that silent H. If you got any of those wrong, just jot them down now, because they are probably words that you could find in your writing. So what is editing? Editing is the process of making any necessary changes to a text or a video. When you edit, you decide what you're going to keep and what you want to change. It's really important to note, though, that it's actually a very difficult skill to master, which is why we spend lots of time in primary school doing things like peer editing so you can check your own work, check for your own mistakes and ways to improve. What does an editor do, then? So, an editor is someone who goes through a writer's work and checks for mistakes, and makes improvements. Every author needs an editor. Every author would have also edited their own work before they send it in to the publishing company. Their first draught, probably their second draught, would have had multiple edits, and then they send it to the publishing company, who then themselves do multiple edits. All of this is for a reason. It's to make the work as good as it can possibly be, and to try and avoid any mistakes, which are unfortunately inevitable. In our writing, our first draught should never be our final draught, and I know that's something that can sometimes feel really frustrating, because you just want to hand it in, and you'll send something you want to show off to your teacher, but there was some... It is really, really impressive and admirable when you see someone going back through their work, finding their own mistakes, and making improvements of their own accord, and it is something that every author aspires to do well. Why do we need to edit then? So, I thought I'd show you a couple of sentences which will show to you how important it is to edit and to look really carefully for even things that you think are so minor, like punctuation, and how important, why it's so important that it's accurate. There are two sentences on the screen now. Let's eat Ben; Let's eat, Ben. What do you notice? Maybe pause the video, or have a talk to your parent or carer, or anyone else who's in the room with you. So, you're right, there is something different, and it is the fact that in the second sentence, there is an extra comma after the word eat, after the verb, eat. That comma is really important, because it makes the sentence say, or the phrase say, the sentence say: Let's eat, Ben. So basically, someone's saying to Ben, let's go and eat, I'm hungry. Let's eat, Ben. However, without the comma, the meaning totally changes. Let's eat Ben is saying, let's go and eat Ben, which is obviously ridiculous, and something you wouldn't probably say in a writing. So that is why it's so important you go back and check for those commas, and punctuation, and full stops, and capital letters, because if they're not accurate, the meaning can totally change. So, now we're going to do a bit of practising , polishing, so that you can feel a bit more confident and know what you're doing when you go off to edit your own work. I've written a text that needs some editing, and you're going to spend some time finding those mistakes. So, in a second, I'm going to ask you to pause the video and jot down on the piece of paper any notes of immediate mistakes that you think, that needs correcting. So, you're going to need to read the text really carefully, spot for any punctuation mistakes, spelling mistakes, maybe just something that doesn't quite make sense, punctuation, and all sorts. So pause the video now, and have a look for any mistakes that you think need to be edited. Okay, now's the time go through these. I'm sure you found quite a lot of mistakes in my writing. I would like to point out they were deliberate. Anyway, first sentence: Pandas which have black and white fur which helping them to camouflage in the shadows and the snow. You can see I've crossed out two things that I immediately saw needed to be edited. The first thing was that I'd included two which relative pronouns. You can never have two in one sentence, it just doesn't make sense, so I got rid of the first one, and so that became: Pandas have black and white fur which, then that makes sense, which helping them? That's not quite the right tense, is it? That doesn't make sense, which helping them to camouflage. You'd use the tense, which helps, which helps them to camouflage in the shadows and the snow. That's one of those sentences which you can only really edit if you read it back in full, and almost say it out loud. I find the best way to edit is when I say my sentences out loud. Next one: In addition to this, the black patches around there eyes allow them to recognise other pandas. Hopefully you've spotted some of these mistakes too. In addition to this, of course, the first word of the sentence needs a capital letter, so I've changed the lower case I to a capital I. In addition to this, it's got a comma after it. Why? Think back to the lessons we've done looking at formal conjunctions. That's right, after a formal conjunction at the beginning of the sentence, you need a comma, because it's introducing the rest of the sentence. It's like a sentence starter. In addition to this, the black patches around there eyes allow them to recognise other pandas. There eyes. This is a really common spelling mistake. I see it all the time, and it's just something you really, really need to practise. Their eyes. The eyes belong to the panda, so the spelling is T-H-E-I-R, not T-H-E-R-E. That's over there, or, there is some water on the ground. When it belongs to them, it's T-H-E-I-R. That's something that definitely you could go back through your non-chronological report and check to make sure that it's accurate throughout everything you've written so far. Next sentence: Due to the toughness of bamboo, pandas have huge and strong jaws which means they can crush it before eating the jaws. There're a few little edits to make here. The first one was the word pandas after the comma. You don't need a comma... Sorry, you don't need a capital letter after the comma. It's the main clause, but it doesn't start at the beginning of a sentence, so it doesn't need a capital letter. It's also not a proper noun, pandas, so you don't need a capital letter there. Pandas have huge and strong jaws, which means they can crush it before eating the jaws. Technically, there's nothing really wrong with it. You can use the word jaws again at the end. I just think I'd rather use the pronoun, it, because the point of the pronoun is to replace the noun so you're not constantly repeating yourself. You wouldn't say, normally, Sarah went back to Sarah's house to see Sarah's parents. You would say, Sarah went back to her house to see her parents, so you're not repeating the noun, Sarah, and again and again. Pronoun does that job for you. So I've replaced the noun, the jaws, at the end with the pronoun, it, just to make the sentence seem a bit more articulate. So, now it's time for your independent task, where you are going to be editing all the writing you've done so far in your non-chronological report. As I've said, this is such a valuable lesson. It really is a great opportunity to look back on what you've read so far, not only find some mistakes, but add improvements. If you can think of ways to make your writing better, or more ambitious, then this is the chance to do it. So make sure you've got your writing out from previous lessons, and maybe a different coloured pen, so that it's really clear which are the edits. I'm going to give you a checklist for you to always refer back to so you know what you need to be looking out for. Things to look out for are capital letters, are they used correctly? And really to make sure you're looking out to check your proper nouns have got accurate capital letters. That includes countries and names of people or companies. Spelling. If there's a word you're not sure of, this is the time to use a dictionary or a thesaurus online. You've got the time to do it, you've got a whole lesson to be checking over spellings, and this is a great opportunity to check those spelling mistakes. If it's a word that you're finding you're repeating, you're spelling wrong repeatedly, maybe write a note of it. Maybe you could stick it on your fridge or in the back of a book so that you always know to go back to it, and when you've got a chance, you can practise it. Punctuation: I want you to think about commas, full stops and apostrophes. If there's an apostrophe for possession, or apostrophe for contraction, you probably won't see apostrophe for contraction in a non chronological report because it's formal language, but maybe you put one in there accidentally, and this is a great chance to edit that out and put the full two words. Check the sense. Does it sound right? My best tip for you to do for this is just to read the sentence out loud. That is when you can hear it, and you can use your own brain to think, that doesn't sound quite right, and you read it again, and make some changes. And then, finally, add improvements to make your writing more ambitious. Maybe you didn't include a relative clause, but now you're feeling more confident and think this is the time. Maybe you think your sentences are all starting the same, so you could add a variety of sentence starters. This is your chance to improve your writing so that you're feeling even more excited to carry on with the rest of your report later on in the unit. So now you need to pause the video to complete your task. I'm going to leave the checklist up on the screen so that you can always refer back to it. Off you go. Hey, I hope you all enjoyed reading back through your work. I am sure all of you found something you could edit. Remember, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of if you felt like you were editing something on every single line. All that is is a sign that you're doing a really good job at checking through your work and then making improvements. So, the lesson today was a writing warm-up. We looked through those spellings. Then we discussed the purpose of editing and why it's so important for everyone, not just children, authors as well. We did a bit of editing practise of my work, and then you've all gone off and edited your work so that you are ready to carry on with your writing a non-chronological report on pandas in the next lesson. Congratulations! You've completed your lesson. I hope you have enjoyed it, and if you'd like to, please do share your work with a parent or carer. I'm sure they would love to see it. See you soon, and well done!

To edit a paragraph of a non-chronological report

To edit a paragraph of a non-chronological report

Slide deck

Lesson details

Key learning points

Licence

Video

Lesson appears in

UnitEnglish / Pandas - Non-chronological report

English