To edit a narrative scene

Key Stage 2

English

Oliver - Narrative writing

﻿Hello, Miss Vincent here with your English lesson for today in today. In today's lesson, we're going to take our writing from lesson six and lesson eight in this outcome. And we're going to do a little bit of editing and improving. So we're going to really practise this skill to make our writing even better. It's already fantastic, We're going to take it up another level. So let's get started with our editing and improving. Here's our agenda for today. So we're going to start with a writing warm up thinking about spelling. Then we're going to move on to identify the purpose of editing. So why edit? Why bother editing? Why is it important? That's what we're going to discuss. And then we're going to think about practising those editing and improving skills, and finally it will be your turn to edit your own writing independently and finish off checking everything and making sure it's the best possible version that it can be. In this lesson, you will need an exercise book or a piece of paper. You will need a pencil or a pen, and you'll need your writing from lesson six and lesson eight together because that's what you're going to be improving right at the end of this lesson. So if there's anything that you need to go and get, then please pause the video to go and do that. And when you're ready, press play, and we can start the lesson. Okay, let's get started. So let's start with our writing warm up thinking about spellings today. So I have written two alternative, two possible spellings for each word in each of the rows. And it's your job to choose which one you think is the correct spelling. So starting at the top, I'm going to read each word so that you know what the word should say, and then move down through each row. So reading with me, the first one is alleyway. Then we've got handkerchiefs, bowed, introdused and curious right at the end. So I'd like you to pause the video to choose the correct spelling for each example, and then press play when you're ready to check your answers. Okay, great. Let's check, so for alleyway phonetically, so with the sounds, they both work, but the one on the right would be extra E, shows us alleyway, it's A-L-L-E-Y-W-A-Y. For handkerchiefs, we've got a silent D. So handKerchiefs, is how we spell it. For bowed, it's an O-W AW sound. So B-O-W-E-D. For introdused, we've got a S sound at the end and you need to choose whether it's an S or a C that makes that sound and it's in fact, a C a soft C like in circle or paste, that makes that sound so introduced with a C. And then finally curious is O-U-S at the end. So if you've got some of those correct, then really well done. And if you've got all of those correct, then really, really well done. So good job for checking and remember if you didn't spot them all, that's fine because now you've practised looking at the correct spelling as well, and it will help you next time you think about that spelling. Okay, so now let's think about why it's important to edit our work. So we're going to be editing, as I said, the writing that we have produced in lesson six and lesson eight, where we wrote about when Oliver meets Fagin. I've used that word editing a lot. I've used the word improving a lot. So I'd like you to think about what is editing? So can you please pause your video and write down one sentence that explains what editing is. When you've done that, press play and we can move on with the lesson. Okay, so what is editing? Let's have a think. So editing is the process of making any necessary changes to a text or a video. So when you change something that you have made and we call it editing for videos as well, but what we're going to be doing today is editing a text, in fact a writing text that you have written. So it's the process of making any changes that are needed. When you edit, you decide what will stay, So what you like and what you're going to keep and what will be changed. And that's the hard decision sometimes to choose, to keep some things and change some things because we often are quite proud of our work when rightly so, and we just need to think about, what would make it even better? And sometimes that means changing lots of it and sometimes it means changing a tiny bit of it. So even authors, very, very successful authors need to edit their work and wants to edit their work because they know that it will be even more fantastic after they have finished. However, it's a very, very difficult skill to master so it takes lots of practise. So we need to make sure that we practise lots and lots so that we get really comfortable with the process of editing and with what we need to do while we are editing. So we have been talking about editing. So what do you think an editor does? Editing is the thing that we do, editor, what might an editor be? An editor goes through a writer's work and checks for mistakes, and makes improvements. So that's actually a job that some people have to edit writing to be an editor. And they go through all of the writing and they check for mistakes 'cause we all make mistakes, don't we? So it's really important sometimes to check through and to make sure that they aren't still there and then to make improvements as well. And you are going to be editors today. You're going to be editing your work that you have written over lesson six and lesson eight to make it even more fantastic. So let's have a go at practising these editing skills. So I've got a sample of text here a little bit of the story, that I'd written up, but I've made lots of mistakes. I've made quite a few mistakes and I need your help to fix them. So I'm going to read the text through once. And then I'm going to ask you to pause the video, to have a go at spotting the mistakes. So reading along with me, and while we're reading, you might already start to spot some of the mistakes that I have made. Say three, two, one, let's go. When Dodger opened the front door, Oliver saw a dimly-lit room with smoke in the air. He noticed colourful handkerchiefs on every surface and hanging across every wall. There were boys sat around a table, but their eyes took in every inch of Oliver's face. Okay, So I'd like you to pause the video now to have a go at spotting, some of these mistakes. You'll probably need to re-write this section of text out correctly onto your piece of paper that you brought along today or into your exercise book so that you can correct each of them mistakes within the whole sentence. So pause the video to spot and correct the mistakes and resume to press play when you finished and we can go through the mistakes together. Okay, really well done for taking the time, hopefully to spot and rewrite these sentences correctly. So let's have a closer check. So when Dodger opened the front door, Oliver saw a dimly-lit room with smoke in the air. I've spotted a couple of things in this sentence already. So for starters, opened although we can't hear it, it's a past tense verb. So it should end in ed, so open and then ed. Opened the front door, Oliver saw a dimly-lit room with smoke in the air. So when Dodger opened the front door, Oliver saw a dimly-lit room with smoke in the air. That's two things happening at the same time. And I can see that I've got my subordinating conjunction when at the start of one sentence. So that's a complex sentence that's showing two things happening side by side. So when Dodger opened the front door, Oliver saw a dimly-lit room with smoke in the air. So I need a comer, to separate those two clauses. And the spelling of saw is not correct. Saw does make the O-R sound, but we spell it S-A-W . So let me read that whole sentence. When it open the front door, Oliver saw dimly-lit room with smoke in the air. Well done, if you spotted some of those things, good job. I spotted the next thing already. Did you spot it? So I've got my full stop, but then after my full stop, I need a capital letter for he. Said he noticed colourful handkerchiefs on every surface and hanging across every wall. I spotted two spelling mistakes there. Did you spot two spelling mistakes? So the first one was colourful. The word colour is C-O-L-O-U-R. And then the suffix full on the end telling us it's full of colour. So the spelling of colourful and then the spelling of every, which although we can't hear it, we spell every surface and hanging across every wall. Okay, there were boys sat around a table, but their eyes took in every inch Oliver's face. So, if I use but, as a coordinating conjunction, that means I'm introducing two opposite ideas, but these aren't two opposite ideas. There were boys sat around a table, their eyes took in every inch of Oliver's face. It's just telling me more about what the boys are doing. So but, it's not an appropriate conjunction because we use but when we're showing opposite ideas. And these ideas aren't opposite. So a more appropriate conjunction would have been and. Don't worry if you didn't spot that one. That was a really tricky one to spot. So there were boys sat around a table and their eyes took in every inch of Oliver's face. I'm not happy with the apostrophe for possession on Oliver's. Can you figure out why I'm not happy with what I've written? So if I put the apostrophe in there, that tells me that there are lots of Oliver's, but there's only one Oliver. So it's, Oliver's, Oliver apostrophe S face. So those are the mistakes that I made in this section of the text. So really well done if you spotted any of those. So what I'd like to do now, so that was some editing and checking. What I'd like us to do now is to practise some improving. So I've written another section of text, but I'm not very happy with my word choices, for the words that I've written in bold. So that are written slightly thicker. So let me read you the text, and then you can pause the video and you can have a go at choosing better words. So more ambitious and more precise words. So let's read together, starting right from the start three, two, one, let's read. The old man walked across the room to greet Oliver. He introduced himself and went quickly to the table. Quickly he moved the square handkerchiefs out of the way. So I've got some good verbs in there. I've got great and introduce, but I've repeated quickly twice. I've used things like went and moved when I could be a lot more precise. And I've described the handkerchiefs as square, but there's a lot more that I could say about them. So I'd like you to pause the video and have a go improving all of those words that are in bold. Okay, great so let's have a theme. Let's think of some ideas together. So I wonder what words you chose instead of the ones in bold. So the old man walked across the room to greet Oliver. Instead of referring to him as an old man, I might call him unusual. So a little bit strange and elderly. Elderly means he's an older gentleman. So the unusual elderly man walked across the room to greet Oliver. I'm happy with that, that's better. He introduced himself and went quickly to the table. Let's think of a more precise verbs than went. And perhaps we can change the advert quickly. So perhaps we could say scurried, that's what is a quick movement. And it's perhaps what a mouse or something would do across the room, but it's a nice way to show that he's moving quickly. So he scurried briskly. Briskly, also means quickly, but it's perhaps more precise and it stops me repeating quickly a lot of the time. So he introduced himself and scurried briskly to the table. But the adverb quickly again, quickly, he moved the square handkerchief out of the way. So what could I write instead of quickly? I'm going to write effortlessly. That means without effort. Effortless, is without effort. 'Cause remember that suffix less, that comes after a word, means without the root words. So effortlessly, he moved the square handkerchiefs out of the way. And instead of moved, I'm going to say swept. So he swept the handkerchief out of the way. And square is really not the best possible adjective for the handkerchiefs. There's so much more than square. So I'm going to call them fine silk handkerchiefs out of the way. Now fine can sometimes mean like, yeah, I'm fine. But also it can mean really, really good quality. So fine silk handkerchiefs out of the way. I'm much happier with that. Well done, for choosing some better words yourselves and more precise words yourself when changing this. Okay, so now it's time for your independent task, your independent editing. So when you are editing your writing from lesson six and lesson eight, you've got a checklist that will help you. So checking for capital letters and if you're writing names so Oliver, Fagin, Dodger, those are proper nouns, those are main so they all need capital letters. Check your spelling really carefully, if you're unsure, remember you can use a dictionary or ask an adult to help you look for the word on an online dictionary. Check your punctuation, so thinking about comers, full stops and apostrophes. And check the sense, does it sound right? Have you maybe missed out a word somewhere and it doesn't quite make sense. So really important to check and sense. And then once you've checked all of those things, add improvements to make your writing more ambitious. So it's time for you to edit your writing. Remember to use the checklist that's on the screen. Take your time, you might need to read it through multiple times, checking for each thing one at a time not thinking about everything at once. And when you're happy with your piece of work, you've edited, you've improved Then you can press play and move on with the lesson. Okay, great. So you've checked it, you've changed things you've improved it so hopefully now you're really happy with your piece of writing. So now if you'd like to, you can publish your piece of writing. That means that you could rewrite your whole buildup, the whole section where they're walking along and then when they meet Fagin, really neatly, in your neatest handwriting, and you might draw a picture to accompany it. So perhaps you might draw a picture of Fagin or you might draw a picture of Oliver and Dodger and Fagin together, or the house or the stairs. So it's up to you what you draw a picture of. And this is of course optional, but it's a really nice way to take pride in our work and to feel really proud of the finished product. So we've completed our lesson now, really well done for all of your hard work. And if you'd like to please absolutely share what you have done today what you've learned today with a parent or carer, I will see you soon for another lesson on Oliver Twist, bye.

To edit a narrative scene

To edit a narrative scene

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UnitEnglish / Oliver - Narrative writing

English